Wasi has something to share

I tried to down two coffees today earnest attempt to imbibe my way into your mind. As if somehow your drink of choice could give voice to how you think.   I couldn’t even get to the bottom of the 2nd cup.   Seems that taste is just too much: too much bitter, much too harsh; its touch on my tongue, too intense, too close to real too much a reflection of how I feel in this silence.   And if I really believed that just this brew, java, as intense and dark as you, could in any way break through this stalemate, I would drink my way through the entire jar, give up preference for needs-be so that we are once more returned to sharing future-dreams-talk to eyes-down-stumbling shy and shoulder-bump-walk to feeling-word-fumbling and sleep-melting-thoughts.   But reality knocks, drops by to remind that life can be sweet, but never promised to be kind; in love and war nothing is fair.  In the end you’ll find thinking so naively will leave you stuck on rewind thinking so naiv...

This is by the amazing Warsan Shire - do check out her blog - you'll find it's worth your while. - - - -  poem eleven - for women who are 'difficult' to love. you are a horse running alone and he tries to tame you compares you to an impossible highway to a burning house says you are blinding him that he could never leave you forget you want anything but you you dizzy him, you are unbearable every woman before or after you is doused in your name you fill his mouth his teeth ache with memory of taste his body just a long shadow seeking yours but you are always too intense frightening in the way you want him unashamed and sacrificial he tells you that no man can live up to the one who lives in your head and you tried to change didn't you? closed your mouth more tried to be softer prettier less volatile, less awake but even when sleeping you could feel him travelling away from you in his dreams so what did you want to do love split his head open? you can't ma...

God, I could do with throwing a sucker punch and my head the grateful recipient or perhaps ‘grateful’ is pushing it a little but at least ‘deserving’ would be fitting just haul back and let fly unleash the pent up disaffection swing, arc of perfection straight from the shoulder, like he always told me I should and in the ricochet the whiplash second of rebound as neck whips back, snaps to one side tears, sweat, blood drops fly potential kinetic potential again and the moment stretches as I step back, disbelief wait for the response I have to offer and for a moment, sparks eyes promise life, perhaps or at least retaliation of some kind apathy slapped into action but instead, sigh, droop head – snapped-slapped drops back to chest shuffle, retreat, wallow

Today I am brought alive by the shadows of bare trees on an old house's side thrown, clear, by winter sunlight making the whole more beautiful than it it ought more than each part could ever have dreamed. And triumph over petty lies tugs my grin wide as I tramp downhill imagining that moment of reveal Not in vengeance, mind, simply for that perfect 'oh' of surprise pulling that bluff from the one who thought me blind Unkind, foolishly and needlessly deceived  and yet, I laugh as though  a new day has been handed me on a plate fully garnished, freshly daydreamed vanilla skies and purple rain I stand amazed - can't believe, instead of bitter rant, discover the true state of incredulity reduces me to helpless cheer so I'll just absorb it as best I can feel full the joy, laugh loud til perhaps this melts, this nonsense, this sentence contract winds down and I'm free again to tread as angrily as I wish foul humour reasserted a reckoning, perhaps only postponed and...

He flashed past a vision of slick in his wide flowing silk pants billowing generous at thighs folds flapping and flowing tapering to hems cuffed round ankles surely too dainty to support such an embodiment of bombast. He walked with-a feeling rocked and rolled down that road a ship at full mast Oh, oh, and how on by he flowed as we, plain clothed, staid, normalcy stood, open-mouthed, saluted flamboyancy

2011 - the year that I... - start to believe the positive things that friends tell me about myself; - stop believing the negative voice in my head so frequently; - keep promises that I make to myself; - move onward, move upward; - actually seek knowledge, and put it into practice; - keep believing in the inherent goodness of people; - stop being self-destructive (sleep, food, exercise, love); - do less 'out' stuff;            - do more 'in' stuff; - see friends more - read less fiction, read more fact; - remain passionate about the things I believe, while remembering that not everyone shares those beliefs, or that passion, no matter how much I love them, or how much I want them to; - take more photos, and get better at doing so; - write more, and get better at doing so; - ask more questions, listen better to the answers; - talk to my neighbours more; - start guerilla gardening; - lessen the arcs of my mood swin...