so i guess i went for option 1...

----1st try----

i

struggle to recreate me,

transform, inhabit a different she

one closer to the ideal that he,

in my mind, would rather see

but

to become another

for the sake of one other

who is, in fact, yet to discover

that i wish he could be lover, brother, child, and mother

there is no way on God’s good earth

that, not with child, i can give birth

to a new me that is somehow worth

what i have deemed to be his dearth

and so

i set aside pretension, 

re-evaluate intention,

accept futile re-invention

will no way stem apprehension

at the truth I’m still too scared to mention

or yet accept - somehow, someway,

the way I am right now, today,

the me I see, trembling at he,

is the only she I’ll ever be