day/poem 8

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(was just about to go to bed when i remembered i hadn't done the poem for today!! i would have been so gutted if i'd missed it, though at the moment nothing springs to mind...)


-- mind --

telling you was never going to be the hardest part
once i'd put aside the fear 
of revelation
of rejection
of knowing the truth

even your face, lopsided as you smiled your no
was not the worst of it all
soft phrased refusal
even in kindness
you couldn't hide your amusement

it was knowing, as i let those words fall
that i'd just switched us from forever to finite
and that each denial brought it closer to home
and while i weighed up the merits of drawing it out
the shame at my misjudgement lingered
and festered and bloomed
til it broke the scales 
put paid to any measured decision
demanded immediate withdrawal

i wonder now at the audacity of believing
my head and heart could ever do good business
unfortunate i chose that time
to give impulse its chance to shine


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